"Speak Out Loud with Eliska Hahn" is back tonight LIVE!

I am so happy to be getting back to my broadcasting roots!  Please join us tonight 6/1/16 @11p, EST for my first live broadcast in years.  I always said God would let me know when the time was right to get back into live broadcasting, and boy did He come through in a BIG way!! Tonight my guest will be on of my skating idols from the time I was a young girl who has grown to be one of my dear friends and someone who I have the most amazing amount of respect for. Seriously folks, this woman is going to change the world: Olympic medalist and former World Champion Dr. Debi Thomas.

See the details and set a reminder at http://tobtr.com/s/8931549       

Confessions From the Woman at the Well

For my friends and family who identify as Christian, I want to give you my unsolicited word of advice. While the Bible clearly states that marriage is a sacrament created by God, marriage in the United States is, and has been, a legal institution. When getting a marriage license you go to a courthouse, not a church. The church has nothing to do with benefits of married couples, which include death benefits, social security benefits, health benefits, joint taxes, adoption, estate rights, hospital visits, etc. These are rights guaranteed under the law of the U.S. Constitution, therefore if any state passed laws to infringe upon people's access to these entities then it is unconstitutional, that is why the 14th Amendment was used in the victory decision. HOWEVER, make no mistake that unbelievers and those who have fallen away from the church are reading your posts about this subject. If our collective goal is to fulfill the Great Commission, I suggest we follow the example of the One we seek to emulate and face this issue with abundant, unconditional love...and a lack of condemnation. Be someone's blessing today heart emoti...and while I have your attention, I will give you this.

PS....while I have your attention, I will give you this.
This is me.
I am the woman at the well.
I am the person that pulled the trigger....over 15 times.
Amen.

Thank you to claytonjennings.com for speaking the words that are written on this 48 year old heart.

GraceHaven

I want to invite all of you to join me on my new journey.  The journey is called GraceHaven.
Please feel free to share this with your friends, family, and anyone who you think could benefit from the mission of GraceHaven.  Thank you!  As always, be Blessed. ~edh

~Welcome to GraceHaven~

A.  grace (greys),noun 1. elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action: We watched her skate with effortless grace across the ice. 2. mercy; clemency; pardon: He was saved by an act of grace from the governor.  3.the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.

B.  haven (hey-vuh n), noun 1. a harbor or port. 2. any place of shelter and safety; refuge; asylum. verb (used with object) 3. to shelter, as in a haven. She was given a safe haven from the storm.

Our Mission:

To create a place of safety and refuge.

To create a place of protection from the dangers and distresses of life.

To fulfill our calling to serve others and to bear each other’s burdens.

To offer kindness.

To offer education and encouragement.

To display unconditional and non judgmental love.

To create real-world, real-time interaction with others in a spiritual counseling and/or life coaching setting in order to help those in a time of need walk through difficulty and darkness until they are capable of discovering their own spiritual strength and their own unique connection with God.

To foster the proliferation of Love, in all of it’s forms.

To stand in opposition to Hate, in all of it’s forms.

Lastly, to facilitate others in finding peace and self-appreciation that can only come through the acceptance of Grace; the unmerited favor of God which is not bound by any man made religion or denomination.

Providing public education as well as trained counseling and support to the religiously wounded and those seeking to emerge from abusive relationships.

Twitter: @GraceHavenCouns

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GraceHavenCounseling

email: gracehavencounseling@gmail.com

Caitlyn and Grace

I realize that I'm going to ruffle feathers, poke the bear, be labeled a "sh*$ stirrer" with this post.  Heck, I will probably loose some Facebook "friends" and followers over this one.  But what has become overwhelmingly clear over the last several years is that God did not put me here to nod politely, and be demure, and keep my thoughts to myself.  I tried to.  I really did.  For the first 35+ years.  I was encouraged to...strongly.  My mother's backhand to my face became my significant other's slap across my mouth or fist to my eye (or worse) when I would speak up or question or disagree.  As I recently said to one of my closest friends, "I have the RIGHT to remain silent, but I simply no longer have the ABILITY".  Nope.  I'm convinced before Baby Eliska was born, God whispered into my ear, "Lisk, I need you to go down there and, when you grown up, I need you to use that big voice of yours.  I need you to be loud...challenge people's beliefs.....challenge what they believe about ME.  Shake things up a bit.  Your going to make them really uncomfortable.  You are going to make more enemies than true friends, but that's ok. I've got your back.  I love you and I will never leave you."

So here it goes.

This all has been brewing inside of me for a while.  I don't know exactly when it began, but it was sometime earlier this year when the whole wedding cake/pizza/religious freedom debacle in Indianapolis began (which, by the way, was NOT about wedding cake, pizza, OR religious freedom). Then I found out that two dear friends of mine, a lovely married couple, who just suffered the devastation of their son being stillborn last year, were asked to leave a church because they chose to support one of their other children who, as a young adult, made the decision to live life as a gender he was not assigned at birth.     

THEY WERE ASKED TO LEAVE A CHURCH.  

If you are a Christian I ask that you sit with that for a minute. If the house of God is not a place you can be to deal with these kinds of issues, where are you suppose to go??

Then, about 24 hours ago, the whole Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner thing turned the internet on it's ear and I foolishly read many of the comments that were being made by friends and family and Christians I respect.  As a very "live out loud" Christian, I realized that by staying silent on this issue many people could assume that I feel like other Christians who have taken to the airwaves and internet to share their unsolicited opinion. 

It's important to note at this point that one of my favorite quotes, one that has influenced my life greatly, is this one from Edmund Burke: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing".  This is, in part, why I feel the need to throw my unsolicited opinion about this into the overcrowded ring today.  It's not that I'm "right" or "good" and anyone who believes differently than I do is "evil", but what grinds my gears about all of this is the people who are proliferating half truths to make their point.  They are not trying to educate others with balanced information and allowing people to come to their own conclusion about these issues.  And what really pisses me off is when people use Scripture, usually chopped up and taken completely out of context, to make their point.  When did being "right" trump educating people and trusting that the Holy Spirit would convict that person as He sees fit??

In an effort to bring education and understanding,  I proceed.

Most Christian’s arguments against transgender are rooted in Genesis 5:2: “[God] created them male and female.”  As a clinician, I want you to know that you need to understand that there are medical conditions: Gender Dysphoria, Klinefelter syndrome (two or more X chromosome in males), and Intersex people (those persons who have physical and genetic variations that do not allow them to be strictly designated as either male or female) as well as a host of others that could be at play here.  Am is saying "God made a mistake" when He made these people?   NO!  And neither should you!  We live in a fallen world (that bit is at the beginning of The Book) and if you are going to continue to be armchair theologians, you need to figure out where these other real medical issues fit in to your theology: 

"According to research conducted by Anne Fausto-Sterling of Brown University, one in 100 children are born with “bodies that differ from standard male or female” biology. This includes those children born with both a penis and a vagina, as well as those with vaginal agenesis, ovatestes, or genetic disorders such as Klinefelter syndrome. Apparently, God sometimes creates humans both male and female or neither fully male nor fully female. Intersex persons offer a critique of those who believe that gender is a static binary assigned from birth and divinely ordained. For example, what about a person who is a sexually “mosaic,” which means they have mixed gonadal dysgenesis such as the development of both ovaries and testes? It’s hard to say because Christian commentators almost never acknowledge the existence of these individuals." (from "Transgender Issues are More Complicated than Some Christians Portray")
http://jonathanmerritt.religionnews.com/2013/08/19/transgender-issues-more-complicated-than-some-christians-portray/"

1 in 100 children.  That makes for a LOT of potential people reading your social media posts and/or sitting in the pews of your church waiting to see how YOU respond to Caitlyn Jenner.

Would they be welcome at your church?  Do we treat people who are different, people who's issues we don't understand, like modern day lepers?  What happened to the idea of Christians being "salt and light" in this world?  By the way, salt was used in biblical times, as it is now: a flavor enhancer. In the same way that salt enhances the flavor of the food it seasons, the followers of Christ stand out as those who “enhance” the flavor of life in this world. Christians, living under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and in obedience to Christ, will inevitably influence the world for good, as salt has a positive influence on the flavor of the food it seasons. Where there is strife, we are to be peacemakers; where there is sorrow, we are to be the ministers of Christ, binding up wounds, and where there is hatred, we are to exemplify the love of God in Christ, returning good for evil (Luke 6:35).

RETURNING GOOD FOR EVIL.

So lets break this down:  If you like it, love it.  If you don't want to love it, love it.  If it hurt you, love it.  If you don't understand it, love it.  If it's your enemy, love it.  If you love it, love it some more.  

Where is the Love my brothers and sisters?  Some of you are so wrapped up in fearing "tolerance" and a watering down of God's Word that you have literally rendered yourself completely ineffective at the most important job He gave us: to LOVE (See below).  You are trying to do work that is above your pay grade.  It is not your job to judge or convict or be the critic.  His light, His LOVE shining through us is suppose to draw others to Him.  I love this quote from Billy Graham, “It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge and my job to love.”

How close do you think the lost will get to God's Word and the Holy Spirit if they are feeling judged by you?

In the end, my unsolicited opinion is worthless.  So I will take a little of my own advice and leave you with God's Word and ask that you read it and sit with it and question how you can walk out The Most Important Commandment.  Be Blessed.

Luke 10:25-37New Living Translation (NLT)

The Most Important Commandment

25 One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: “Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?”

26 Jesus replied, “What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?”

27 The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”[a]

28 “Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!”

29 The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

Parable of the Good Samaritan

30 Jesus replied with a story: “A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road.

31 “By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. 32 A Temple assistant[b] walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side.

33 “Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. 34 Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. 35 The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins,[c] telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’

36 “Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” Jesus asked.

37 The man replied, “The one who showed him mercy.”

Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”

THRIVE

My final project for my Psychology class.  Very happy with how this turned out and pray it blesses you as much as it blessed me to work on.  I still stand in awestruck wonder at all God has done in my life in a just few short years.  He is Amazing.

Click here: THRIVE

After A While You Learn

It has been so long since I have posted and my only excuse is that, like the beloved fish Dory in the movie "Finding Nemo" I have been trying my best to "just keep swimming". It has been a time of enormous heartache and trials, great blessings and love...but when I saw this post today it seemed to sum up very concisely the hard truths life, and God, seem to want me to know...and not ever forget.

And I wanted to share these truths with you.

Until soon...I promise. Be Blessed.

After a while you learn...by Veronica A. Shoffstall (1971)

After some time you learn the difference, The subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning, And company doesn't always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts, And presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats, With your head up and your eyes ahead, With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today, Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn, That even the sun burns if you get too much, And learn that it doesn't matter how much you do care about, Some people simply don't care at all. And you accept that it doesn't matter how good a person is, She will hurt you once in a while, And you need to forgive her for that. You learn that talking can relieve emotional pain. You discover that it takes several years to build a relationship based on confidence, And just a few seconds to destroy it. And that you can do something just in an instant, And which you will regret for the rest of your life. You learn that the true friendships, Continue to grow even from miles away. And that what matters isn't what you have in your life, But who you have in your life. And that good friends are the family,Which allows us to choose.You learn that we don't have to switch our friends, If we understand that friends can also change. You realize that you are your best friend,And that you can do do anything, or nothing, And have good moments together. You discover that the people who you most care about in your life, Are taken from you so quickly, So we must always leave the people who we care about with lovely words, It may be the last time we see them. You learn that the circunstances and the enviroment have influence upon us, But we are responsible for ourselves. You start to learn that you should not compare yourself with others, But with the best you can be. You discover that it takes a long time to become the person you wish to be, And that the time is short. You learn that it doesn't matter where you have reached, But where you are going to. But if you don't know where you are going to, Anywhere will do. You learn that either you control your acts, Or they shall control you. And that to be flexible doesn't mean to be weak or not to have personality, Because it doesn't matter how delicate and fragile the situation is, There are always two sides. You learn that heroes are those who did what was necessary to be done, Facing the consequences. You learn that patience demands a lot of practice. You discover that sometimes, The person who you most expect to be kicked by when you fall, Is one of the few who will help you to stand up.You learn that maturity has more to do with the kinds of experiences you had And what you have learned from them, Than how many birthdays you have celebrated.You learn that there are more from you parents inside you than you thought. You learn that we shall never tell a child that dreams are silly, Very few things are so humiliating, And it would be a tragedy if she belived in it. You learn that when you are angry, You have the right to be angry, But this doesn't give you the right to be cruel. You discover that only because someone doesn't love you the way you would like her to,It doesn't mean that this person doesn't love you the most she can, Beacuse there are people who love us, But just don't know how to show or live that. You learn that sometimes it isn't enough being forgiven by someone, Sometimes you have to learn how to forgive yourself. You learn that with the same harshness you judge, Some day you will be condemned. You learn that it doesn't matter in how many pieces your heart has been broken,The world doesn't stop for you to fix it. You learn that time isn't something you can turn back, Therefore you must plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure. You really are strong .And you can go so farther than you thougt you could go. And that life really has a value. And you have value within the life. And that our gifts are betrayers, And make us lose The good we could conquer, If it wasn't for the fear of trying.

Soul Vomit Anthology

     I am very proud to be one of the contributing authors for the "Soul Vomit: Beating Domestic Violence" annual anthology.  Several of my works that the readers of this blog are familiar with are included in this initial anthology as well as my multi media art work, "Forever and Half a Day".  Proceeds from the sale of this anthology will be used to stop all forms of domestic violence and abuse.  You can order your copy of this anthology by clicking here.  Thank you to everyone who helped make this dream a reality and let's continue to stop violence against women.  Together.

The Soul Vomit annual anthology aims to help society open its eyes to this painful epidemic hiding behind closed family doors all over the world. Domestic violence is often unreported, unseen, and unknown, which is why it is our duty to raise awareness and encourage strength in bystanders to call the police, report suspicious behaviors, and be a friend to someone who is in a violent home environment.

Sometimes, the abuse is only emotional... when a victim doesn't have a black eye or any bruises but is verbally assaulted every day by someone who should love them, they need someone to see their pain and fear, even if that someone is a stranger.

      Soul Vomit is about raising awareness about and helping to end domestic violence and abuse. Stories, poetry, art, and essays are 

      collected from all over the world to help victims and survivors be heard!

Help end domestic violence by making noise about it.


Watch the Soul Vomit Video Trailer

Two Years

Today marks two years since I held my Gran and watched as she passed from my arms into the arms of her King.  In some ways it feels like it was yesterday.  In most ways it feels so much longer than that.  I miss her every single day.  I am confident that I will be with her again.  I would like to post the tribute I wrote last year on this day.  A year has passed, but the feelings are exactly the same.  I am sure they will remain the same until I once again look into her beautiful blue eyes...

"Did You Ever Know You Were My Hero?" 

A tribute to Mary Louise Eye

 

On 12/2/10 at 3:45am I looked into your beautiful blue eyes for the last time and held you as you took your last breath.  You lived a life dedicated to your family, friends, and your God.  You were the single greatest example to me of unconditional love and you were more my mother and best friend than my Grandmother.  Oh yes, you scolded me and were stern at times, and you were never shy about giving me a piece of your mind, but it was always because you loved me so deeply and wanted the best for me...a better life than what you had.  Your father was killed while you were in your mother's womb.  You were a hard worker from the time you were a small child to help your mom make ends meet and to just scrape by, and you were a dedicated and wonderful student.  You didn't go to college, but your wisdom knew no end, and you continued to read and learn well into your 80's.  You loved your Lord with all your heart and soul and you served Him all your life.  You suffered much.  You watched your mother, husband, son in law, and all your 10 brothers and sisters as well as many dear friends pass away before you, yet you did so with dignity and grace.  You loved your family beyond measure, and you were the glue that held us all together.  You encouraged me, you were proud of me, you even listened to me on the radio! ;)  And you taught me about Jesus from the time I was a little girl which is the greatest gift anyone could give to another.  You didn't just teach me about being a Christian, you showed me and many others what that really means.  You were the most loving great grandmother to my children and you helped me raise them.  They are wonderful people because of you.  You and I argued, cried together, debated, learned, reminisced, and laughed together, I worried you, you worried me, but there was nothing we wouldn't do for each other.  You even made your one and only airplane trip to help me when I was ill.  My most precious memories are when we would make popcorn and I would lean up against you on the couch and we would would watch "The Love Boat" and "Fantasy Island" on Saturday nights and you would sleep upstairs with me because I was too scared too sleep up there alone.  You're love was sacrificial.  You thought of others before yourself -always.  You were my rock and this year without you has been devastating, yet I know that you are exactly where you belong-in Heaven walking with Jesus and your loved ones, and wearing a beautiful crown of glory.  I can't think of anyone who deserves it more.  As the apostle Paul said, you ran the race and you fought the good fight, This is your reward.  Yes, I miss you every single day.  Yes I still cry because I feel totally lost without you.  And yes, I know the first thing you're going to say to me when I get to Heaven is "Liska, why did you waste time crying over me?" (AND you're going to scold me BIG TIME for getting a tattoo of a cross for you ;)  But Grandma, when I felt your soul leave your body, a part of me left with you.  As I said at your funeral, 'You were my defender and I was your black sheep".  No one understood me or ever loved me like you, but I am so happy that you, the person who made me who I am today...my Queen... is with her King.  I live for the day I get to see you and hold you again Grandma and never, ever, ever have to say goodbye.

As you know, this is the song I had played at your funeral Wind Beneath My Wings  You will always be my hero.

Loud Voices: Breaking the Silence of Domestic Violence

I recently had the honor of speaking at this year's Loud Voices event sponsored by RDVIC and held at Terra Cafe in Morgantown, WV.  This is my second year in a row at this event and even though Hurricane Sandy made it a very windy and rainy night, I was so happy to be there to share and hear the work of other survivors.  Below is video of two of the four pieces I shared as well as some of the backstory for each piece.  My love to you all.  Be blessed.

Watch "Forever And Half A Day" here

Watch "Hair" here

Blind Side

My most recent article (published 6/21-one day before the verdict) for The Well Written Woman (thewellwrittenwoman.com) about the Sandusky case.

In the moments immediately following my live broadcast late last November I made a silent promise to myself that I would not make any further public comment about that...that...mess (for lack of a better word that fully encompassed the news that was coming out of State College, PA the previous week).  No blogging, tweeting, Facebooking, and certainly no further radio broadcasts. Not because I didn’t have very strong opinions.  Quite the contrary. However, I knew from years of personal experience and years of education in psychology and counseling, that my “strong opinions” forged out of my own childhood sexual abuse were the very thing that caused all hopes of any objectivity toward the Sandusky situation to go flying out the closest window. I don’t live far from Pittsburgh, PA and the local news as well as the national news was thick with the daily developments. I actually did an admirable job at keeping my promise to myself, only slipping up once last week when, in my frustration over the judge allowing the defense to introduce testimony that Sandusky has the psychological disorder Histrionic Personality Disorder, I posted this on Facebook:

“What Bugs Bunny would look like if he were human....and a pedophile.”

The overwhelming response was from friends who were ticked that I had insulted Bugs Bunny. My point being was that, in my opinion, this man indeed has a psychological disorder. It’s called Pedophilia.

After my Facebook outburst I once again recommitted to sit and watch the proceedings in silence. That lasted about a day when I came to the realization that it is people who sat in silence-people who saw but turned a blind eye-that allowed this alleged abuse to continue for years and claim undoubtedly more victims than the “Sandusky 8” who are putting themselves and those who love them through a living Hell by reliving a pain so deep and multifaceted. A pain that has shaped and will continue to shape every one of their days for the rest of their lives.

For me, it was the summer of 1976. I was getting ready to turn 10 years old that September. My family and I lived in a townhouse/apartment complex in the small town in rural West Virginia where I was born. I was a tomboy-all pigtails and dirt-and loved spending dawn to dusk playing outside everyday and trying to master the skateboard I got the previous Christmas.There was a nice, friendly, elderly man who lived in one of the bottom apartments next to our town home who would always wave and say "Hello" as he carried his groceries in from his car. I can still see that car. It was a 4 door olive green sedan. One day after he had been to the grocery store he was sitting on his front porch and called me over and presented a big bag of Brachs Candy which was sold in bulk at our local grocery. He asked me if I would like some, and I of course eagerly said "Yes!"   As I was exploring all the goodies in the white bag with it's trademark pink and purple stripes around the center something so strange happened. This man reached down the front of my tank top and began rubbing my chest.  Now I was brought up to not question my elders and I just remember feeling afraid so I grabbed a few pieces of candy, and said "thank you" over my shoulder as I ran back toward my house. As time went by he became more and more insistent that I "come visit him" on his porch or as he sat in his car and he would always give me candy and rub my private parts and attempted to expose himself to me. At 9 1/2  I didn't know I was being molested.  I didn't even know what that meant, but even at that young age I instinctively knew that something was very, very wrong and found it upsetting on the deepest of levels. I can't remember if he told me not to tell anyone, but I was too ashamed to. I wish I could tell you why I went back each time he called me over, but I don't really know for sure. I think I was afraid not to go because he might tell my parents something bad about me and I would get into trouble. He began to pressure me and he was old enough to be my grandfather and I tried to respect his wishes for "a visit" and hope and pray the next time would be different and he wouldn't touch me. My prayers went unanswered.

Later that summer, he died. I remember seeing the ambulance in the parking lot and watching them wheel his body out covered with a white sheet. Everyone in the neighborhood was gathered around talking about what a tragedy it was that he died alone.  I had such mixed emotions. Part of me was thankful he was gone and I wouldn't have to endure the shame and anxiety of what I was feeling or any more "visits". I was happy, angry, confused, and relieved all at the same time. I thought you were supposed to just feel really sad when someone died, weren't you?

I told my mother what had happened.  She got very angry with me and told me I shouldn’t have gone over to visit him in the first place and it wasn’t spoken of again. This kind of reaction is, unfortunately, so common in abuse cases. I call it “the second assault”.  The victim suffers the initial physical/verbal/emotional/sexual assault and then (usually after much worry, sleepless nights, and paralyzing fear) finally reaches out for help only to be called a “liar”. I’ve found it is usually less a case of disbelief and more a case of not wanting, for whatever reason, to believe. I saw this very thing happen yesterday in the Sandusky case when Dottie Sandusky, wife of the Defendant, took the stand.  

Showing up looking her most matronly in a light green sweater set, bespeckled with a fluffy white do (a la Mrs. Clause), the 69 year old looked like she would be much better suited to baking homemade cookies for children than testifying in a court proceeding about the severe sexual abuse of children. However, she had a job to do. She was there to hopefully help her husband of 45 years not spend the rest of his life in prison.  Unfortunately, she went  on the attack when asked about the alleged victims. She described Victim 1 as ''clingy,'' Victim 9 as ''a charmer'' and Victim 4 as ''very conniving, and he wanted his way and he didn't listen a whole lot.'' Please keep in mind that these children, like all of the other children involved in Sandusky’s “Second Mile” program, were underprivileged and often fatherless. How can an 8 year old underprivileged boy be described as “clingy” or “conniving”? When 10 years later he is accusing your husband of unthinkable acts that took place in your own home...while you were there.

That knowledge would be a lot for anyone to process. If these allegations are true, then it basically means that the bulk of Dottie Sandusky’s life has been a lie. The man she thought she was married to for the last 45 years, their 6 children (all adopted), the “Second Mile” Foundation (based on the scripture Matthew 5:41: "And whosoever shall compel thee to go one mile, go with him two.") she started with her husband in 1977....it all would be forever tainted. Her reality would no longer be reality. Dottie Sandusky is not only fighting to save her husband’s future, but she is fighting to save her and her family’s entire past.

This is why people time and time again take victims, even children, of salacious crimes and put them on trial. This is why we ask the rape victim what she was wearing at the time of attack as we somehow try to formulate a reason for the attack.  After all, bad things only happen to bad people.  Right?  I mean, if it’s true that a man who was inducted into the Pennsylvania Sports Hall of Fame in 1999 and received the 1993 NAACP Human Rights Award, the 1995 YMCA Service-To-Youth Award and the 1996 SGMA Heroes Award is discovered to have used the very organization for wayward boys based on Christian principles he and his wife founded as a picking field for his victims for decades, then what does that say about us?  What does that say about the “safety” of our own children, or grandchildren?  

There are a couple important questions to ask of ourselves as we watch the Sandusky proceedings.  Was this just another person who was very skilled at staying in our collective blind side?  Or did we, and do we in many cases, choose to look away to somehow protect ourselves?

The (Eye) Candyman Can

My first article for The Well Written Woman (thewellwrittenwoman.com).  Enjoy!!

Well, it’s official. All of my future Halloweens have been forever tainted...ruined really. This morning I was passing by the television just as Matt Lauer was discussing the new print ad for Snickers. If you haven’t had the pleasure, here it is:




This ad is so disturbing on so many levels I scarcely know where to begin...oh wait...yes I do.  Let’s begin with the woman pictured in only her underwear with someone wearing boxing gloves approaching her from behind. I don’t know about you, but that image causes every stranger-danger-domestic-violence-abuse alert nerve in my body fire simultaneously and every hair on the back of my neck stand at attention. Then there is the fact that an image of a nearly naked woman is the focal point in a print ad for a candy bar. Ew. I mean...seriously??  Who was the marketing genius who said “Hey, I’ve got an idea!  Let’s use sex to sell the candy!! It seems to work well for the beer and liquor people.”  

Just when you think the Snickers marketing department has lost its collective mind and this ad could not possibly be more uncomfortable to look at, you then have to ponder the tag line: “You’re not you when you’re hungry”. Just let that sink in for a moment. It obviously infers that since you have not consumed a Snickers prior to having a sexual encounter that your sure fire one handed bra removal technique that you have been perfecting since your sophomore year in high school will suddenly be rendered ineffective. I mean is Snickers now branching into Viagra’s territory?  “Take Viagra with Snickers 30 minutes to 1 hour before sexual activity.  Contact your doctor or seek emergency medical attention if your erection is painful or lasts longer than 4 hours...or if your blood sugar spikes”  

How am I ever going to be able to give Snicker to kids after all of this? I normally treat with “Fun Size” Snickers for Halloween, but now that has a whole new...downright “icky” connotation. Damn you Snickers. Why couldn’t  you just stay on the really clever path you were on with the “You’re not you when you’re hungry” campaign.  Stars like Betty White, Abe Vigoda portrayed football players who hadn’t had there Snickers fix and were subsequently, not themselves. Joan Collins and Stephanie Beacham played these roles in the in the UK version and both versions were very witty, humorous, and had people talking. Other stars such as Richard Lewis and Roseanne Barr, Liza Minnelli and Aretha Franklin, as well as Joe Pesci and Don Rickles did the “You’re not you when you’re hungry” commercials and they were very humorous and attention grabbing. You actually got the clear point across that if you didn’t eat a Snickers you wouldn’t be yourself. Ok, I’m willing to overlook the glaring false advertising and the truth that had been stretched so far it was on the verge of snapping back and hitting you upside your creepy “do you want some candy little girl” bean, but somehow, you made it work and it was fun and it turned into a successful, award winning advertising campaign for you.  My question is, why, why, WHY did you have to bring sex into it? After all guys, we ARE talking about candy...candy!  Kids are still considered to be the largest consumers of candy. Kids and candy go together like...well...kids and candy!! If you are trying to target the dads of the kids with the flash of flesh and sexual innuendo, here’s a word of advice from the modern day prophet Ice Cube:: “Check yo’ self before yo’ wreck yo’ self”.  American adults are overweight and are riddled with diabetes and other disease related to obesity. Don’t add to the problem by using the fear of sub par sexual performance if your candy bar isn’t at the ready. Geeze Snickers...you use to be my favorite.  Now when I look at you I just feel dirty and objectified. You don’t understand me anymore Snickers. Snickers...I never thought I would say this but, it’s over. Tap dance your tacky nutty goodness elsewhere and don’t let the door hit you in your chocolatey shell on the way out.  I will remember the good times but I don’t know you anymore. Goodbye Snick...we will always have those afternoon rendezvous at  the vending machine in the break room where you indeed lived up to your promise, “satisfies”.